The Girl in White

I was walking in the halls of the school that we were volunteering at; running to go use the bathroom or running errands for my teacher. One of the two.

There was almost no one roaming the halls. It was quiet, and the wind was blowing. As I’m walking, this little girl comes around the corner with a white tank top, white bow, shorts, and no shoes. I look into her eyes that are beaming with light. I smile and wave as I walk past her. Not two seconds later, she stops and turns around and says in her cute little voice and accent, “You’re so beautiful!” I stop and turn around and say, “What did you just say?” “You’re beautiful!” she repeats. She’s all giddy and joy is just coming off her like gentle ocean waves, and she’s glowing. I can’t seem to process what I’m seeing in this little girl. That compliment uplifted my spirit in ways I couldn’t process. I felt seen. The scripture, “Nothing in all creation is hidden from God. Everything is naked and exposed before his eyes,” (Hebrews 4:13) came to mind. I felt as if she saw all of who I am. I couldn’t stop looking at her and her eyes. The purity, the joy, the depth of wonder she holds. All I saw was Jesus. I thank her and tell her that she’s just as beautiful. As I walk closer to her, I’m talking to the Lord in my head. “What are you trying to show me right now? All I can see is You when I look at her, but I don’t understand. How can this be?” I bend down and start talking to her, asking her what her name is, what grade she’s in. And I get to the question: “Have you seen me around here?” She nods her head with that shy and precious smile. “Why haven’t you come to see me?!” I ask, wishing I had met her sooner. She replies, “I’ve been here all along; I just didn’t know what classroom you were in.”

In the airport of Thailand leaving to go to South Africa, I asked my squad mentor for a prophetic word for my time in South Africa. She got “healing”. She told me that He was going to touch places that I thought were done with healing and that He’s going to touch places in my heart that I didn’t know needed healing. Coming into South Africa, feeling so much pain and brokenness of abandonment from people in my past, I was sure the Lord was going to continue to heal me. He never leaves you where He found you.

This whole time, I was expecting some big dramatic moment with the Lord. He was going to come in like a tsunami with this revelation and some big moment where I could feel the pain in my heart just slowly close up and everything would be all better. But no. She says, “I’ve been here all along.” The Lord put it in perspective for me with this parallel: I have been around this school for a month, and I haven’t seen her because I haven’t been looking for her. Just how He was always there the first 17 years of my life, but I didn’t see Him because I wasn’t looking for Him. The girl and I crossed paths finally at just the right time to meet each other just as the Lord and I did my senior year of high school. With the love and light I saw in her eyes, how I felt so seen by her, all I could think about was that is how He sees me and is completely delighted in me.

I can feel the lift in my heart, the things of my past being filled with the Lord and His presence. I can no longer think He simply wasn’t there, or that He abandoned me and then just showed up randomly. My mind is transformed to think about how He was always there even if I wasn’t looking for Him and we crossed paths at just the right moment. Just like I did with her. I know this is some simple little thing, but for the Lord to physically show me really made it so real and obvious. It clicked for me. Good thing our Father knows us better than we know ourselves and speaks to us the way He knows we will understand.

As we finished our short conversation, I went back to my classroom and hoped that I would see her again. I sat down and pondered about everything that just happened. The little revelation the Lord showed me about me and Him. The girl and how she was glowing. I sat there for about 5 minutes just thinking. I thought, “Why was she just wrapped in so much light? She was glowing. Her eyes were BEAMING with light and love. Was she an angel?!” I had to be sure she wasn’t an angel. I went around the school looking for her. She was too small to be in the grade she said she was in, so I go to the smaller class. I peak in and don’t see her. I go into some more classrooms. I don’t see her. I entered this one classroom and asked the teacher if she had a girl with a white tank top on. I couldn’t remember her name for the life of me. She said I could come in and look, and I saw her. She looked at me, smiled so big, and laughed, got all shy when I waved at her. I asked the teacher what her name was and she told me. I looked at her one last time, and I said to myself in a joking manner, “Well, I see her and the teacher does too, so if she is an angel, which I doubt she is, this angel is fooling everyone.” I asked the teacher was grade this was and she said, “This is the lowest grade in school.” I was a little shocked at the word “lowest”. If you read my blog from last time, it was all about the “low”. The low places spiritually, the lowest place in South Africa, the lowest places people are dwelling in, waiting for Hope to pull them out, and now the lowest grade in school.

How beautiful is it that we get to meet Him in the LOW places too!? My prayer is that you would meet Him there too, in the low places. That is where you get to know Him.

Not too long after I came to the Lord, I kept asking Him, “Where have you been all my life? Why show up now? I needed you so long ago.”I’ve prayed for God to show me. And He did. I was never abandoned by Him even when others did. He was there all along.

 

Until next blog,

Lexi B.