Embracing the Limitations

I honestly can’t even understand how it’s been two weeks of ministry already. You’re probably expecting for us to to already be in the groove of things, to know some Khmer, for us to have built some type of relationship with the people that we are serving, and yes, all that’s true, but it’s still…hard.

I’m not going to start off every blog with some awesome testimony, end every sentence with an exclamation point, throw in cute pictures of some kids, or sugar coat things with fancy words. I’m not here to just give you the mind blowing moves of God; I’m am partnering with God in all of my blogs to give you the real and raw side of being a missionary:

I’m standing, looking around at everything. I see the people who are hard at work harvesting their rice fields, I see the people who stand at their stores hoping someone comes in to buy, I see the people in the villages that sit there not knowing their purpose or their true value. I look everywhere and see the hopelessness in people’s eyes, the smiles that fail to cover the darkness.

40 years ago Cambodians were victims of the Khmer Rouge. The persecution, the torture, and killings committed by the Khmer Rouge were considered an act of genocide. Anyone who was believed to be an intellectual was killed. That includes doctors, lawyers, teachers, and those who even wore glasses or knew a foreign language became targets.

So now I look around knowing that those who are 40 years old and older have went through a traumatic experience of the killing of their family members and of their country. My heart is drawn to them.

Everywhere I look I see people longing for something…something far deeper than money. They are longing for comfort, love, hope for the future. They are all silently groaning for the Gospel. With all the kids and their laughter, the sweet exchanges of their finger hearts, the I love yous, the hugs, and through all the games, they are still looking and desiring to be loved in someway that captivates them; a love that satisfies. A love that has the most sweetest and tender embrace, a love that is an embrace nearer and tighter than any physical embrace could ever achieve. The kind of love that reaches the deepest parts of their soul to make them jump into fresh heights of an abundance of life. They are looking for Jesus. The one who was and is love that came wrapped in flesh.

So within every interaction I have, I take to heart. It’s a moment for opportunity. A moment to look them in the eye as Jesus would.  A moment to look at them and see their pain, their living situation, and everything else and to still chose to love them. It’s a moment to make them feel valued, a moment to make them feel noticed and valid, a moment to take them off of their ranks given to them, a moment to give them hope, to make them thirst for something more, a moment to show them Christ Himself, the fountain of life. He is like no other. “In all of His resplendent glory and dazzling holiness, His supreme uniqueness and otherness, no one in human history has ever been more approachable than Jesus. He is tender, open, welcoming, accommodating, understanding, and willing. He has a heart of gentle embrace that is never outmatched by our sins, our strange character traits, our insecurities, our doubts, anxieties, and failures.” (Dane C. Ortlund) He has so much compassion. The word “compassion” literally means “to the bowels of a person.” It’s what is straight at the core of a person, which rises up to move that person into action. This is a reflection of the deepest heart of Christ. The two times Jesus cries in the Gospels, it wasn’t once from His own pains, it was the sorrow for another. Streams of mercy come pouring from His innermost being. Seeing their pain, their sin, and them in their lonely despair moved Him towards them, not away.

I have been entrusted with the message of the glorious Good News. I must tell! I am compelled to tell! He has considered me trustworthy and has appointed me to serve Him. But with every interaction I hear their beautiful voices yet have absolutely no idea what they are saying. There is so much bubbling up inside of me that I’m eager to share. I have so much to give. So. Much. To. Give. But how? The frustration of the reality that there is a language barrier, the limitations of my actions, that women aren’t allowed to talk to monks, there are temples on almost every street corner, watching people go in and out of those temples knowing they’re searching for something they want and need knowing they’re in the wrong place to find it. I stand and see the darkness that hovers and intertwines itself in the people and desire to do whatever it takes to shout the name of the Lord and to raise Him up as my banner to the nations, but I find myself useless. I bet that’s not what you wanted me to say, I’m sure. You might be thinking “Lexi, you shared all about the genocide that happened 40 years ago, you shared about the people, the dark things that are in the shadows, the reality of being a missionary in a foreign country, and you’ve been there for three weeks now and you still feel useless. Are you even doing anything?”

One of my leader’s friends shared this:

“I chose to embrace cultural and linguistic limitation; to exchange my confidence in my abilities for dependence on God in response to His Great Commission. I’ve come to understand that I will never be as productive or successful in a cross-cultural setting. God knows that and yet still invites me into His work of demonstrating His love to the world into His mission to the nations.”

So answer that question, yes, I am doing something. I am doing something by being here. How sweet is our God! He is so inviting, and even through our limitations, He is not limited!!

By me being here, the Lord uses whatever gifts I have, whatever gifts He decides to give me in this season, uses my personality, and my willingness to be here to touch others. Even though this isn’t how I wanted it to look and how much or less I wanted to be used in specific areas of ministry, He is working. Abundantly. Praise God for being so big.

The People of Cambodia

This is a group of wonderful women who are in bible studies we have on Mondays. Most of these women have accepted the Lord and we are leading them in close fellowship with the Lord. This is only a small portion of who you guys are touching by praying and donating.

In 10 days I have to have another $770 to raise. Then from November 15th to December 15th I will have another $1,640 to raise, and then two other $1,640 deadlines to reach ending on February 15th. Would you please consider partnering with me and even sharing this blog post with other people you know? You are touching people by donating and praying. EVERY little bit counts. We have raised $10,710 altogether. THAT IS UNREAL. WOW. Thank you so. Much.

Ways you can give:

Venmo: Lexi-Blatt

and through the link in my bio of my Instagram and Facebook! @Lexi.Blatt

I love you!!

Until next blog,

Lexi B.

P.S. This was a blog not only for you to read, but for me to continuously read in the months to come where I am feeling the same things again. I can take a deep breath knowing I am where I am supposed to be even if it feels like I’m useless. Because God’s got this. He isn’t limited because I am. <3